Moving to the other side of the world on my own has taught me unexpected lessons about connection. You cannot simply meet your old friends for coffee or spend time with your family whenever you want. Of course, you can stay in touch, but it is also natural to want to meet new people in your new environment.
In Bali, meeting people is easy. There are many social activities, people are open and friendly, and there are endless beautiful places to visit. Still, finding people I genuinely connect with has not been so easy.
We often want to label people quickly. A friendship. A relationship. A red flag. A soulmate.
But perhaps not every connection needs a name.
Why do we need to know so quickly what someone will become in our lives?
Maybe because uncertainty feels uncomfortable. When you want connection too badly, you may start ignoring what feels true to you.
I have had several experiences where I hoped a friendship might develop. That is not a bad starting point, but I noticed that I ignored certain things and kept the connection going, even though something did not feel right.
Not every kind person is your person
For a while, I organized hikes on Saturday mornings. It was an easy way to meet people while doing something I genuinely enjoyed.
A few times, people joined who talked a lot and listened very little. I noticed that I was spending more time focusing on them than enjoying the surroundings.
They were enthusiastic and asked if we could go again the following week.
I went one more time and felt drained.
I still loved hiking. And doing something you love together with other people sounds nice, right?
But I had to admit that it did not work for me.
The people were kind.
They were just not my people.
Not every promising connection becomes a friendship
I met another woman during a writers’ gathering. We clicked in the beginning, did some activities together, and had a lot in common. I was happy because it felt like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
After meeting a few more times, we spent an entire day together. After that, she sent me a message saying that she was trying not to be too dominant and that she was looking for a healthy friendship.
I let her know that I had not experienced it that way and invited her to join an activity I was going to the following weekend.
I never heard from her again.
It made me sad for a while.
I thought we clicked.
For a moment, I questioned myself.
But I did not abandon myself.
I promised myself that I would never do that again.
I love meaningful connections. But I have learned that I would rather be alone than force a connection that does not feel right.
Fortunately, there are books, movies, nature, food, sports, and enough things that interest me to genuinely enjoy my own company.
Not every man needs to become a relationship
Then there was another connection, this time with a man. In the past, I would have labeled him a ‘player’ or a ‘red flag’. But I noticed I enjoy spending time with him. Again, why do we want to label connections so quickly?
Before, this would not have been good for me because I could not stay close to myself.
Now I see it differently.
Maybe all these experiences were teaching me the same thing.
We enjoy each other’s company. We do fun things together. I live my own life.
And we’ll see how this unfolds.
Some people come into our lives to become a chapter, a relationship, a friendship, to awaken something within us, or to remind us of something.
I do not need to know today which of those things this is.
Connection without attachment to the outcome
In the meantime, I have also met a few wonderful women. I believe that the right connections will always arise, whatever the label or reason may be for these people entering our lives.
Some people stay. Some people leave. Some become friendships, relationships, or simply beautiful memories.
I only need to know whether I can enjoy the connection and stay true to myself within it.
I think we are often not afraid of the connection itself. We are afraid of the uncertainty around it. That is why we want to give it a label so quickly.
I’ll let this be what it is today, without abandoning myself or needing to know what happens tomorrow.